Funny things when you are JOBLESS (and your parents don't know)

By Ashish Kumar Singh 

It's been ages, you passed out from your college, your degrees have been chewed and gulped down by rats because they are of no use. You have not been able to crack a single interview and people have now nicknamed you "MR. JOBLESS" or "THE UNEMPLOYED DUDE" or rather worse "VELLA/VELLI."

We know, it can be pretty depressing not getting a job or getting kicked out of a job or resigning from the job and regretting your decision later. 

No matter how serious the situation is, there are funny things that happen to you knowingly or unknowingly if you are the JOBLESS Dude and especially if your parents don't know about it. 

Now Now Now, since one of our team members is sitting idle at home, only he could imagine and observe funny things fucking with his head. 

We have listed down few real-life hilarious  pointers which  an unemployed person will surely relate to.

KEEP LYING TO YOUR PARENTS

If you got kicked out of the job and you love hanging out way too much, then lying to your parents is something which will come naturally to you. 

You will lie to them about your shift timings if you want to party the night away. The funny part is, they will actually think that their kid is working so hard, but in-real PARTY PARTY PARTY. YEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!  

SAMAAJ SEWA

All of a sudden, your neighbours will always find you at home and you will be more visible in the society compounds. 

Aunties will find a fresh target in you in order to serve fresh HOT HOT gossip in the hood. (Huhh- chuglikhor)

You will act more sweet to the notorious kids where earlier you already killed them thrice in your mind. 

MONDAY MONSTER YOUR NEW BUDDY

See, there are perks of being jobless as well. There were days when you used to be shit scared of Mondays and used to hunt for all possible reasons of  not showing your ugly face in the office.

HURRRRRAYYY!!!! Monday Monster will become your new best bud in town. You know why this happens?

Because, you will lose the count of days. You will just stop looking at the calendar. A jobless person never keeps the account of weekdays or weekend. Everyday is the same nigga. 

NEW HOME IS JOB PORTALS

If you are not able to clear interviews for more than 3 months, you will probably pack your bags and shift to your new abode- which in this case would be numerous job portals. 

You will freak out and will apply for any random job. It won't matter to you whether it is a position of a CEO (even if you don't qualify) or a peon (overqualified- hopefully).

You will succumb to reality because YOU NEED MONEY to survive sir. 

ENCOURAGE YOUR PALS TO QUIT THEIR JOBS

"A friend in need is a friend indeed". Now, you are unemployed but not your friends. You are always free but your "working" pals need to plan out things in order to catch up with you which by the way will most probably happen on weekends. 

Being the devil, you start encouraging your buddies to quit their respective jobs and travel. 

However, your cruel intentions are clearly visible and no one is of course willing to take the plunge of death. 

SORRY. 

WORST BEHAVIOUR

Being idle can have several advantages only if you put them into spotlight. Being a douche, you do try to work on your "worst behaviour" but all in vain. 

You are a bigger asshole deep inside. 

For example, you have all the time in this world to clean the mess in your room, you being you would of course not even move an inch.

You can always hit the gym or invest your time in learning a new hobby, but but but your "worst behaviour" takes a toll on you. 

All the Best with your life. 

AAARRGGHH!! I AM NOT F*****G `UNEMPLOYED`

Jobless peeps should actually go for Anger Management classes because, if you are sitting at home, you are bound to get pissed off every now and then. 

These unlucky people hate the term "UNEMPLOYED" or "JOBLESS" and get angry whenever someone uses their term during a random interaction. 

If possible, they would never want to see this word in the Dictionary ever again. (ROFL)

Whenever someone shoots a question regarding their current situation, this is how they tackle- "Well you know, I am on a well-deserved break right now and I am in a different zone. I want to travel and explore the real meaning of life." 

P.S- Well tried there. 😇😆😅

FREE FOOD and LAUNDRY 

Free Food and Laundry applies to only those who are staying with their parents (LUCKY BITCHES). Even if you are sitting at home for months and will be doing that for coming months, then this particular section of people just don't have to take the headache. 

This is what people word hard for, right?? CHEERS. 

If the unemployed section of people is not staying with their parents, then you are doomed for good. Get ready to face the real struggles of life. 

LAZY LAMHE 

We know the favourite word in your Dictionary- LAZY. 

Get unlimited Wi-Fi, chilled beer and a comfy couch and you are all set to enter the void. 

You day will start at 1 pm, cos if you remember you slept at 4 am every god damn day. WAY TO GO, BRUH! 

The best part is you don't have an office next day, so you will eventually stop looking at the wall clock or you can also throw it in the dustbin. 

FAVOURITE DRESS CODE 

In the end, it is the clothes you wear reflects your personality but of course being the lazy ass you are, who gives a shit. 

A simple tee-shirt and comfortable pyjamas suddenly become your "go-anywhere" clothes. 

You stop buying new clothes (cos you don't have money), you stop looking in the mirror ( you should have done this way too earlier), and you don't go to any weddings ( tees and pyjamas don't work there).

Hence, these are few points to enlighten your day if you are jobless. But as pop icon Rihanna once said- 

"Work, work, work, work, work, work
You see me I be work, work, work, work, work, work
You see me do me dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt
There's something 'bout that work, work, work, work, work, work
When you a gon' learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn
Me na care if me tired, tired, tired, tired, tired, tired"